Sandcastles In The Air
by ryiah03
Summary: It starts with slushie and a gaze too long. It ends with three words too many. Can Quinn save Rachel from her decision to marry Finn Hudson? Will Quinn be able to save herself? Or will it be just like building sandcastles in the air? Based on 3x14 promo.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any other materials I will use for this fic. Don't sue, okay? Also, I own all mistakes from here on. I'm sleepy. Sorry for any grammar mistakes.**

**A/N 1: The Glee promo needed a fic. so I took my shot. I hope you all enjoy!**

**A/N 2: The angst. God, the angst!**

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><p>Someone asked me if I believed in fate, I told them no. Because if fate existed, then it would mean that God hated me. And no matter just how much shit I've had to put up with, I refuse to come down with that conclusion. Because if I did, then hoping for <em>her <em>to be my perfect thing would only be another shattered delusion. In plain words, it would kill me.

* * *

><p><strong>Freshman year<strong>

It started with an extra-large cup of purple coloured corn syrup mixed with ice.

No, that's actually a lie.

It started with me seeing her dark chocolate eyes. All it took was a glance. The long brown lashes framed her eyes, they held me captive. I imagined those eyes tinged with a particular glow I couldn't quite describe were the same ones that would belong to an angel.

I gazed too long. I couldn't help myself. Those lovely pair of browns held such warmth, they sparked something in me. And to the Fabray blood running within my veins, it was a spark too much, a gaze too long.

I needed to do something—anything, to stop the pounding of my heart. To save me from myself.

The next thing I saw were the same pair of eyes splashed with a hint of sadness, but they were beautiful nonetheless. The sticky fluid was running down her cheeks. For a moment I was thankful of the purple coloring. Because it meant that I wouldn't have to see the tears streaming down her face. I wanted nothing more than to take away the sadness that only managed to mesmerize me. But I shook my head. And I heard everything.

Students were laughing all around us—all around her. I couldn't do anything. Or maybe I could have done something, if only I wasn't a coward. But at that moment, my 15 year old self decided that I had to save myself, not only from me, but also from what I felt for her.

"Loser."

That was the first word I uttered to her. My lips were curled in a sneer, and the people around us were laughing and pointing at her, echoing the word I've just spoken. Idiots. We all were. They couldn't see past the youngest Cheerio captain trying to escape herself. And I couldn't see past the sea of students swarming me like I was their queen.

Her lips were quivering. She was still looking at me. And I felt a pang in my chest that was supposed to be nothing but a block of ice. It hit me with so much force, I was surprised that I was still able to stand. But while staring at her, I saw three things.

One, there was no anger.

Two, there was only hurt.

Three, her tongue darted past those lips curled into a frown to subtly taste the fruity flavour.

I could only remedy one of the three.

For the rest of the 79 slushie-filled cups I will personally deliver to her that year, I made sure they were all grape flavoured. It was beyond fucked up. But it was the best I could come up with.

* * *

><p><strong>Sophomore year<strong>

Glee happened.

I stood with Santana, McKinley's second head bitch in charge and Coach Sylvester, McKinley's track-suited devil. But I remember not paying attention to the two of the most ruthless individuals I have ever met. My gaze was focused on the brunette in the middle of the stage. If she looked up our side of the auditorium, I wonder if she would have stopped to stare at me too. Probably not, but in my delusion, I wanted her to do just that.

There was so much life in her eyes. I could have stood there and watched her all day, but I knew that it wasn't an option.

Instead of focusing to the vision of Rachel Berry circling the stage, singing her heart out, I forced myself to see who she was dancing with.

Finn Hudson. _My boyfriend._

I forced myself to be mad. I forced myself to block everything my instinct—my heart—was telling me. Because God forbid that the ice queen actually feel, let alone have a heart to feel with. So I covered what I felt with anger. I tried to hate her, but in the end I found out that trying to hate someone like her was futile. And it left me feeling dirty, useless, and ugly.

All of the trivial insecurities resurfaced.

Ugly.

Fat.

Unloved.

Those words resonated in my mind. They reverberated within my whole being. And that afternoon, I found myself in Puck's arms, wondering how many more fuck ups I will manage for the rest of my life.

~OOOOOOOOO~

I would learn a few days later that even when you think disasters have reached their peak, surprise comes knocking to your door. My door, to be exact. It was funny how my fate was decided by two blue lines, mocking me from the stick on top of the sink.

I was pregnant.

But amidst all the chaos, teen angst, and 'my life is over' mentality, one good thing came out. Rachel sang to me. I called her 'manhands,' 'RuPaul,' 'treasure trail,' 'loser.' Basically the most demeaning and defeminizing adjectives that my cruel self could think of. But what does she offer me?

One, her pair of panties to Jewfro to prevent the cretin from running the story.

Two, a song. A song telling me to hold on.

And for her, I did.

~OOOOOOOOO~

That year, Rachel did so many things for me. She became my saving grace, as dramatic as that might sound. She told Finn that Puck was the father, among other things. But I was most thankful for that. She was honest when I couldn't—wouldn't be.

"I'm so sorry." She told me after Finn did a number with the choir room chairs.

What was she sorry for? Before I could answer, she launched into a whole tirade. I wanted to hug her then. I wanted to tell her that it was okay. But I found my body frozen to the bench I was seating on, cowardice taking over once again.

"I fully understand if you wanna beat me up." I remember looking up at her at that point. Why would I want to hit her? Was I really that spiteful in the portrait of her mind? It felt like I was the one being punched in the gut.

Clearly, she was oblivious to everything I was feeling then. She continued, "If you can just try and avoid my nose." And then she closed her eyes. All I could do was roam my gaze around her. She was so beautiful.

"I'm not mad at you." I told her. She needed to know that I was not angry. I didn't know why at that time, but I felt that it was important for me to let her know that I wasn't mad at her. I did not want her thinking that I hated her in any way. "All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do."

It was true. Surprise, Rachel Berry in true fashion, showing me what bravery meant. If only I could deny myself of all the fear I was feeling.

She continued talking. She told me how once again, Finn Hudson was the reason that we found ourselves in that situation. I wanted to cry, to scream at her. Why did it always have to be about that giant? But instead of being brave, I told her of the most appropriate thing I could come up with, that neither of us have Finn. Though silently, I was glad. I was selfish that way.

In the end, I told her to leave and that I wanted to be alone. Truth was I didn't want to be alone. Or more precisely, I didn't want _her_ to leave me alone. I wanted to hold her close to me, to gaze into those eyes that seemed to unlock the secrets I didn't even know I had.

I wanted a lot of things, most of them shared with her. But in true Fabray fashion, despite being shown a moment of bravery, I reverted back to cowardice.

Pathetic.

~OOOOOOOOO~

There were so much more that happened during our sophomore year. I covered my acts of helping Rachel either as a secret or just random kindness for the Glee Club. But never just for Rachel. Somehow, I always chickened out.

When I gave my baby to Shelby, I wasn't thinking of Rachel. But looking back, maybe my subconscious was trying to become closer to Rachel. To most people, it was cruel because I was the reason how the woman who birthed her seemingly replaced Rachel with another child. My child.

But it was an entirely different reason for me. I was sorry that I hurt Rachel by giving my baby to Shelby. I still am. But in another realm, it was also another connection to the girl who always managed to bring down my walls, no matter how twisted, how faint that connection was.

And in those moments, it was all I could hold on to.

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><p><strong>Junior year<strong>

It was the year when people thought that Rachel and I had formed a ceasefire. She was the diva who have endured so much hurt from the woman she could have called her mother. And I was the cheerleader who have fallen from grace.

I should have let myself stay that way. There was no dire need for the façade anymore. Russell Fabray was out of the picture. It was his affection I always tried to reach. Mother would have been more tolerating if I opted not to re-join the Cheerios. I could have even started a tentative friendship with Rachel.

But when I saw Rachel and Finn enter the doors of McKinley, hand in hand, something was ignited inside me. For a moment, there was a painful tug in my chest. It was puzzling the way the emotional and physical reactions seem to always intersect.

It felt like a knife was plunged deep into my heart.

My gaze locked in on their intertwined hands. Finn was saying something that made her laugh. Rachel's eyes seemed to dance in the sunlight streaming through the McKinley windows. Her eyes held happiness I could only dream of providing her. Will I ever make her smile like that boy does? That was the question resounding in my head when they passed me.

Rachel was so focused on Finn. She didn't even spare me a glance. I decided that she didn't see me because I was hidden by the locker door.

It didn't make it hurt any less. And the knife inside me was suddenly being twisted. I forced myself to swallow the lump and hold the warm liquid behind my eyes. God, my eyes and throat burned.

There was so much pain. So much pain.

~OOOOOOOOO~

That year, I did eventually re-join the Cheerios. At the expense of Santana, I was back on top. It was the only solution I could think of to fill the emptiness inside me. I thought I would be happy. But the old saying eventually caught up with me.

'It's lonely at the top.'

Maybe I have felt it before, or refused to acknowledge it. But once it hit me full force, I was overcame with loneliness. I have hurt so many people. And I could have apologized to them, especially to Rachel. But every time I tried to open my mouth another thing came out.

I tried a lot of things to fill in the void.

I dated Sam.

I cheated on Sam with Finn.

I got Finn back.

In my mind, it was really interpreted as Finn not having Rachel anymore. A part of me did it because I couldn't bear the thought of Rachel being with anyone, most especially Finn. He didn't deserve her. Well, I didn't deserve her too. But in my twisted logic, I was trying to save her from being with someone who will only pull her down.

Finn was an immature boy who didn't have any ambition. Finn was the guy who lied to the girl he was supposed to love about his virginity. Finn was the kid who was so afraid for his popularity that he can exchange such a wonderful girl just for the sake of reputation.

And most important, Finn was the boyfriend who was willing to cheat with another girl. He was the one who told his girlfriend that he 'saw fireworks' as he kissed someone else.

Most people could say that I have the same faults. Maybe I did. Maybe I still do. But I would never let Rachel's future—her happiness—to get caught in the web of childish arguments and general immaturity. That much I could say. It wasn't much, but it was all I could offer to her.

~OOOOOOOOO~

I'd hurt her again. We were only meant to write a song that afternoon. I don't know if it was the piano keys underneath my finger tips or the way she looked at me when she spoke Finn's name, but an unusual surge of bravery and honesty ran through me. Suddenly I was revealing the barest words I have ever spoken to her—or anyone else, for that matter.

"Do you want to know how the story plays out? I get Finn, you get heartbroken."

All of it was pretend. Impeccable acting, if you will. I didn't want Finn.

"And then, Finn and I stay here and start a family. I'll become a successful real estate agent and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop."

I didn't want a family with Finn. It was with her that I wanted everything with. It still is. But I can't have her. Not then, not now. I thought that if I can't have her, then Finn wouldn't. Evil, right? Would you believe me if I said that it wasn't my intention to hurt her?

But it's true. I never wanted her to be unhappy. I never wished her harm. All I wanted was for her to follow her dreams. Rachel Berry was meant to be on Broadway, blowing the crowds with her talent, bringing life to the stages of New York. And I will never allow anyone or anything to hold her back. Certainly not Finn Hudson.

"You don't belong here, Rachel. And you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way."

My voice cracked as soon as I uttered those words. For a second, I was afraid that she saw past the walls. After all, she was always the one to break them. She was always the reason that I had to build them back up. Before I could say anything else, she started speaking.

"I'm not giving up on Finn. It's not over between us."

"Yes it is!" My voice became louder, I think I yelled at her. There was so much blood pumping in my veins, I felt my forehead pulsing. I don't know if it was because of her annoying persistence or the fact that she was so invested in Finn that got me so angry. It was dangerous for me to feel so much anger. Why couldn't she just accept the truth? Why can't I make her?

"You're so frustrating! And that is why you can't write a good song, because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life, Rachel. If you keep looking for that happy ending, you are never going to get it right."

There was so much hurt in her eyes. But just like the first time I threw a slushie in her face, there was no sign of anger. Only pain. A part of me wished she would get angry at me, hoping that it could lessen the guilt I was feeling. I deserved her hate. But she was Rachel Berry, she had the kindest heart I have ever known. A heart that feels, a heart that draws other people. Even the ice queen.

I watched her exit the auditorium, shoulders slumped in dejection. I wish I could have apologized. But just like before, I was rooted to the bench. My coward heart was punishing me once again.

In the end the only good thing that happened was that Rachel wrote one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. And in the lyrics of her song, I also found myself asking the same question.

When will I get it right?

~OOOOOOOOO~

I slapped her on prom night.

It was a moment when a Fabray loses all restrains. Control slipped from my hands. Before I could register what was happening, I was feeling the sting in my palm. I could see Rachel clutching at her cheek.

There was so much anger coursing through me. It was me lashing out because Finn gets to have her. But I couldn't. It was me running away from pain. Anger to cover the pain, it was my mantra. In my anger, I slapped her when what I really wanted was to punch Finn or even bang my fists on the mirror. Instead it was her that I've hurt once more.

No words could describe the regret that replaced my anger. Ice cold water doused the raging fire inside me. And I realized what I did. I stood there, waiting for her to bring her hand down on my own cheek. Or pull my hair. Or even spit at me. Or just simply shout curses at me. I would have accepted whatever she threw at me. But instead she offered me something else.

Her kindness. The hardest to accept.

"Most girls would be upset about getting slapped in the face. But I happen to appreciate the drama of it."

She should have run. Any sane person would. But instead, she offers an invitation. It was time for our heartfelt conversations. Truly, she was the only one who can get me feeling so vulnerable. But I would rather it be her than anyone else.

"I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel, but at least you don't have to be terrified all of the time."

I avoided looking at her, just in case she saw everything in my eyes. Sometimes I am actually afraid that she could read what's in my mind and play it in hers like a movie. She would be disgusted. Maybe if she could, then she'd hate me.

"What are you so scared of?" She said softly to me, offering the paper towel.

_You._

For a second I was scared that I said it out loud. But I looked at her deep brown eyes still waiting for an answer. It felt like déjà vu. Just like freshman year, it felt like a gaze too long. Was she aware? I hope not.

"The future. When all this is gone." I replied while taking the paper towel from her hand. Our fingers brushed ever so lightly with each other. A thousand pinpricks of electricity ran through my hands. They were tingling, and the light voltage spread across my whole body. I fought the urge to shudder because of the sensation. If it was the way one touch would feel like, how much more a prolonged caress? I tried not to think too much about it.

"Look, you have nothing to be scared of. You're a very pretty girl, Quinn. The prettiest girl I've met. But you're a lot more than that."

I looked into her eyes. The same ones that seemed to hold the secrets that will unlock answers I didn't even know was in me. Her eyes were glistening slightly with unshed tears. As she peers to me through her long lashes, I realized something.

I have never believed anyone more in my life.

~OOOOOOOOO~

That year felt so fruitless. It felt like a waste, like I have done nothing.

A failure.

All I did was hurt Rachel. Yet she did so much for me. I wanted to be brave because she thought me how to be brave.

"I just want somebody to love me."

Truer words have never been spoken. I was squished between Santana and Brittany in our New York hotel room when I said those words. It was me being true to myself. It hurt me so much when I heard of Rachel and Finn's date. And there I was, threatening to report them to Schuester.

It was my usual defence mechanism kicking up.

But inside our hotel room, being hugged by my two best friends, stirred something inside me. I felt like I could be honest with Rachel this time. In my mind, a tentative decision to tell her everything was formed. At that time, I didn't know if I could go through with it. But I thought that if I actually did, I would tell her after the performance.

I never knew what would happen if I did go through with it.

I never did find out.

Because in the end, all I got was a haircut. And a vision of Finn and Rachel kissing in the middle of the stage. A spectacle to hundreds of people in the crowd. A flaw in the judges' eyes. A vulgarity in Jesse St. James' opinion. A source of Santana's Lima Heights anger.

But to me?

It was no less than a dagger being twisted into my whole being that threatened to destroy even the traces my shadow.

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><p><strong>Senior year<strong>

My summer was spent preparing for the reality that Finn and Rachel were together again.

I dyed my hair pink. Long gone were the baby doll dresses. I replaced them with rocker clothes, gothic clothes, generally black. Just for added touch, I got a tattoo. I decided to quit Glee. The rebel image was going to help me. I could just say that it was a loser's club. Not because the image of Rachel and Finn murmuring sweet nothings crippled me in writhing agony. And just to ward off Rachel, I started smoking.

After all of the transformation, I was honestly convinced that I would finally be left alone. If they saw all the crazy, then maybe it would be enough reason for them to keep their distance. For _her_ to keep distance.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

This time it was under the bleachers while I was with the skanks. She approached us clutching her binders tightly to her chest. I should have known that more than anyone else, Rachel Berry would be the one to try and coax me from my hiding place.

My heart swelled. But it also pained me because there was the girl I can't have. She was a few feet away from me, convincing me to come back to Glee. I wanted to shout at her. To ask her why I should come back. So that I would be witness as her and Finn's story unravel while I sat helplessly on the risers?

Tough shit. Because I wouldn't.

But surprise, because Rachel Berry always knew the right thing to say to make Quinn Fabray weak on her knees.

"I'm sorry you're so sad, Quinn." She started, scuffing her shoes on the ground a little. "And maybe you're not going to believe me because we were never really close…but I'm sad not seeing you in the choir room."

Her words hit me. My heart began to flutter. It was beating like a drum, pounding in my ears. I could hear my pulse reverberating, the force of a tidal wave coursing through me. I was rooted to my spot, cigarette in hand, smoke billowing above me. There was nothing I could do but listen as she spoke.

"And we've all been through so much together. We're a family and this is our year to get it right."

If only she knew.

"We would love to have you back in the Glee club." She hesitated for a while before continuing. "Whenever you're ready, okay?" And then she was gone.

All of her words hit me like a ton of bricks. But when she told me to go back whenever I'm ready, I was once again awestruck by the girl that was often called a diva.

When Santana and Brittany told me to re-join the Cheerios, they almost demanded it. When I campaigned for prom queen last year, it felt like it was just what was expected of me. When I got in bed with Puck, he almost forced via wine coolers.

I saw all of it. Most of what I have done was expected of me. It didn't matter if it was our school, our society, my father, my mother, or even myself.

But with Rachel, I can just be. There was always a choice.

Why did she have to be everything I needed her to be? I was torn between punching the nearest wall to release the frustration that Rachel Berry incites from me. Or to just be happy because there was someone willing to take me, even with all the cracks, and that person was Rachel.

~OOOOOOOOO~

Puck thought that the only reason I came back to Glee was Beth. A big part of me ached to hold her—my baby. I wanted to be in her life. I have fucked up everything, but yes, I could still be with my baby. Only thing was Beth wasn't the only reason. I came back because a part of me couldn't erase Rachel's eyes when she asked me under the bleachers. There was something beautiful the way her brown orbs danced in the dirty bleachers, coating the white smoke of my cigarette.

I replayed that scene in my mind because they held me captive. A beautiful intrusion in my sober thoughts. A terrifying nightmare in my sleepless nights.

So yes, I also came back for her.

Sometimes it was so painful watching her offer her life to Finn. But when she asked me about offering herself to him, her body, all I wanted was to curl into a ball because there was nothing I could do to stop her.

That night, I was restless. I tried to deny it. But deep in my heart, I knew she'd gone through with it.

The next morning confirmed it for me. They watched each other with longing stares. They touched each other with grazes too long. I just wished I could have done more to stop her. Anything. Because anything was better than enduring the fire in my veins and picking the broken pieces of my mangled soul.

And when she kissed him in the middle of the choir room after singing him a song, all I wanted was to stop existing.

~OOOOOOOOO~

The days went by, and I was going through the motions.

People around me thought I was going crazy because of my overwhelming need to get Beth back again. But they didn't understand. Rachel had become a sandcastle in the air. She was so far away. And I couldn't handle the thought of her slipping every day. Slipping from what, I don't exactly know. But if there was any chance for me to keep my sanity, I had to have Beth. My daughter was the only good thing I had. And even then, I couldn't call her mine. At least not entirely.

Sectionals. Again, Rachel was my saving grace.

She stopped me from ruining Shelby and my daughter's future. She stopped me from crushing our friends' performance. She stopped me from doing more damage to myself. I don't know if I would have listened if it was anybody else. But it was her that came rushing, running to stop me.

It was always her. Always.

And just like sophomore year, there was the sudden burst of bravery in me again. This time with no undertones, I wanted to thank her.

I saw the puzzled look in her eyes when I told her I came to see her.

"I came here to talk to you, actually. To say I'm not gonna tell."

"Why?"

_Because I love you._ I almost blurted out. I stood stock still. I always knew that I felt something for Rachel. But it was the first time I admitted to loving her. Possibly being in love with her. The earth did not shake in accompaniment of my revelation. Yet it hit me nonetheless. I wanted to tell her so badly, but my bravery could only go so much.

So instead I said, "Because I love Beth."

It wasn't a lie. I just omitted the part where I also loved her.

Me and my idiosyncrasies.

~OOOOOOOOO~

"Finn asked me to marry him."

Those were the words that she told me. I felt nothing short of amused when I heard her. I thought she was sharing it to me as a joke. I wanted to laugh because it was so ridiculous. Instead, I asked her what she said. It was the proper decorum after all.

"Well I said I needed to think about it."

As soon as those words fell out of her mouth, my filter was thrown out of the window. I launched into what could be considered as the longest exchange I have ever had with her. I didn't care. I could accepted it if she went to New York with Finn. But to marry him before high school was over? No! I promised myself that I would make sure to send her on her way if it was the last thing I did.

"Well, you can't."

"Why? Plenty of people get married our age and I know he and I haven't lived together or anything but I love him and he's the one. I know it."

If only she knew what her words were doing to me. But I could dwell on my pain later. It was my turn to save her. So I hand her a piece of paper with one of the Ivy league schools' letterhead printed on it.

"What's this?"

"My ticket out of here." I told her softly. "I got into Yale early admissions. Turns out my essay about overcoming adversity while maintaining a straight A average during a teen pregnancy really turned on the admissions boards."

I didn't show it to her so that I could parade bragging rights. All I wanted was to persuade her into getting out of Lima. To make her remember her dreams. New York and Broadway. Not Finn Hudson and the auto repair shop he would soon inherit.

"Quinn that's amazing."

There was so much pride in her voice. I yearned for it. Finally, someone was happy because I was doing what I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better person but Rachel. When she pulled me into a hug, the world disappeared around us. The bathroom walls became surreal. It felt like eternity was banging at my door. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds and all I wanted was to never let go of her. I would have been contented to just hold her, to inhale the hint of coconut in her shampoo and rest my hands on the small of her back. But already she pulled back, taking me with her to reality.

"I'm all for making the most of the next few months, but I'd hate the idea of dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future. Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. As hard as it may be if you want what you ever dreamed of, you're gonna have to break up with him."

I wanted her to break up with him. But it wasn't because I was being manipulative. I truly wanted to see her in the bright lights of New York, billboards of her face hanging over Timesquare. She was my dream. But if I couldn't have her, I'll make sure that she would at least make her dream come true. And her dream was to be the next Barbra Streisand. Or maybe even surpass her. Her dream was to achieve an EGOT status. I wanted all of those things for her.

She deserved them. More than anyone else.

"If you really wanna be happy, you're gonna have to say goodbye."

My eyes pleaded to her one last time. I was asking her to choose rational thoughts. I was asking her to choose logic. I was asking her to choose her dreams. I was asking her to choose her own happiness. And inordinately, I was secretly asking her to choose me.

I didn't hang around to wait for the answer, I was afraid of what it would be.

Once more, the surge of unnatural bravery left me hanging. And I left Rachel in the bathroom, hoping against all hope that she would choose herself.

~OOOOOOOOO~

I spent my days trying to ignore the churning in my stomach. I tried to put my encounter with Rachel at the back of my mind. But I couldn't rest my case unless I knew the answer for sure. Restless, bothered, and if I admitted it, I was afraid.

All I could do was hope.

My answer came one afternoon in Glee.

"Finn and I are proud to announce that we're finally getting married!"

It was all I needed to hear. My entire body had shut down. I had no sense of what was happening. There was a commotion in the choir room. And a resounding 'NO' was playing in my mind. It was battled by Rachel's voice saying 'getting married' over and over.

The voices were taunting me. My cowardice was condemning me. Could I have done something more to prevent it from happening?

In the middle of the chaos, I found Rachel's eyes. They connected with mine. That time, I didn't even hesitate. I pleaded, conveyed everything I couldn't say.

_Rachel, choose me.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>20 minutes ago<strong>

It was the day of the wedding. Rachel said I could have been a bridesmaid. I didn't want to care. But it pierced through me too much not to care.

Santana met my eyes in the middle of the crowd. Her dark eyes were hard. As if she was trying to tell me something. Leave it to her to push me off a cliff I was too afraid to make the jump myself. She was gesturing towards the room that held Rachel. Her jaw was clenched and she was looking pointedly at me.

In another swell of unnatural bravery outpouring, I decided to throw caution to the wind. It was the last chance I was ever going to get. I needed to make it count.

"Rachel." I whispered softly to her form, wrapped in pristine white gown.

Her back was facing me. When she turned, I was frozen. She was so immaculate.

"You are so beautiful." I said unabashedly. I was giving it my best shot.

She blushed. The ceiling lights reflected the edges of her dress. Her simple make up accentuated the slight tinge of red on her cheeks. Her eyes were still lovely and strong. She was perfection.

"I thought—I thought you were opposed to Finn and I getting married."

Her words brought me to the reason I was in front of her in the first place. There was no point in concealing my intentions. We didn't have the time to sugar-coat the situation. Because I was running out of time. It was my last final chance.

"I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson!"

It was plain. It was harsh. But the situation required for a much needed reality check.

"What makes you think you can just bust in and say that to me? On the day of my wedding, nonetheless!"

"You are meant to be a star, Rachel. You can't be a star if you marry Finn! Do you really believe that the two of you can hold hands and saunter into the rainbow? Well, I've got news for you. Finn will pull you down with him! He doesn't deserve you now, and he never will!"

We were on a standstill. I was breathing hard because of my outburst. She was staring hard at me because of my words.

"I want this." She whispered almost inaudibly.

"Please, Rachel. We've always been honest with each other. Don't start lying to my face. Not now." I said weakly.

We've had our fair share of painful truths. I couldn't bear the thought of her thinking that she had to lie to me.

"Really, Quinn? Then tell me the truth, why are you really here?"

I was cornered. There was nowhere else to go. After all those years dancing with the truth, Rachel was finally catching up to me. My lies were finally being broken down, one by one. The walls have started crumbling down. I was slowly being sucked alive into an abyss I have created myself.

I thought about lying. I thought about covering myself. But in the end, it was time to tell the truth.

Finally.

"Because I love you." My voice started out small. But I grasped that right then in front of Rachel could be my last chance. I would make it the most honest declaration in my life. Because it was the most real thing I have ever felt for someone.

Love. For Rachel.

"I love you." I repeated. "I always have." And finally, I voiced what I couldn't tell her in the choir room.

"Rachel, choose me."

I saw her shaking her head. And I didn't want to stick around and wait for her utter the words that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I needed an escape. Because bravery or not, the coward in me would always be lurking, ready to pounce at my first sign of weakness.

And I ran. I ran fast. I needed to get out of there, Santana's voice was trailing faintly behind me.

* * *

><p><strong>5 minutes ago<strong>

Tears blurred my vision. My head was pounding. I was too late. I was too late in telling Rachel. Would it have made a difference if I told her before Finn proposed? Would it have made a difference had I not thrown that first slushie?

What?

What would have made a fucking difference?

In my haste, I didn't see the changing lights in front of me. I continued to drive aimlessly. And I heard the crash before I felt it. The screeching tires and blaring horns screamed in my ears. My body slammed into the seatbelt, I was pulled back by the impact. I felt my head colliding with the air bag. And I realized I was upside down.

I was drifting to unconsciousness, tethering to the narrow edge of darkness.

I remembered three things before I succumbed to oblivion.

First, Santana was screaming, exiting the car behind me, and calling on her phone all at once.

Second, somewhere in the horizon, wedding bells were ringing.

Third, I was whispering the name of the person who taught me how to be brave and honest. The one who taught me how to love.

"Rachel."

* * *

><p><strong>Now<strong>

It was like lightning flashing in the dark. My whole portfolio of Rachel ran through me. It was as though my brain picked out every event with Rachel, dissected each subfolder and presented it to me. Why did it have to be her image?

All I could see was her face. Flashes of her face everywhere. Every time one was gone, there was darkness. But her eyes raced in the nothingness, holding me captive once more. Finding me whenever I was lost. Maybe it was a characterization of how I saw Rachel. After all, she was my saving grace.

Could it be that a big part of the foundation I built my life in surrounded Rachel?

I could still see flashes of her eyes, her smile. But before I could truly see, the darkness takes her away from me. Before I could understand the meaning behind every encounter with her, the shadows pull her away from my grasp. I wanted to run after her. But the dark was hiding her away from me.

Either way, I can't have a grip of what was before my very eyes.

Suddenly, there was soft murmuring.

"Quinn."

I would recognize that voice anywhere.

I opened my eyes to see her pristine white gown tainted with mud and blood. I wanted to reach up to her, to caress her face the way I wanted to back when I first saw her during our freshman year. But I found myself unable to move. So instead, I contented myself to nuzzling her arms cradling my head. Lying with her was more than I could ask for.

My gaze swept across her. She was crying. I wanted to tell her to stop crying, but my throat burned and it felt like choking on my own fluids. Finally, my gaze settled on her hands.

There wasn't a wedding band in sight.

Her tears mingled with mine. And I felt that I was happy. Happiest I have ever been for so long.

My vision was beginning to blur once more. In the distance, I could hear the siren of an ambulance approaching us. I looked up to see Rachel. She was looking at me. At last, she was looking at me.

Her mouth was moving. But I couldn't hear anything. I struggled to open my eye lids. They were so heavy.

But I could just see her mouth moving.

'I love you.'

My heart swelled with joy. I wanted to burst. It was more than anything I could ask for. But I settled for a smile. I tried to squeeze back when she held my hands.

It was getting harder to breathe.

In the end, the darkness won. I was being swallowed into the never-ending nightfall. To fight it was a losing battle. Almost like building sandcastles in the air.

In the faintest of sounds, I heard Rachel's voice once more. She was uttering my name. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

"Quinn."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 3: I hope you guys liked it. Can't wait to know what will happen on the next episode! Go Faberry! :D**


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